The meaning conundrum

In a world that benefits from confusion...

Stories of men who have renounced their family to go in search of meaning of life after being married and having kids often take me back to women in their lives, the one who actually have to sacrifice many things but didn’t get any credit for the said sacrifice. Men used to wander after the meaning of life cause women back home took care of the family and the responsibility. I am not new to this question of meaning and purpose, have made a similar post a while back where I believe I had an optimistic approach…this one might take a turn because these thoughts have crawled its way back into my head (I took a few days off of work so now have to sit with my thoughts and you should suffer, dear reader, because ever since I discovered Substack I need to think out loud).

I oscillate between two thoughts. First being the concept that life is inherently meaningless but we get to make it meaningful...like having a blank canvas which you get to turn into anything, you might eventually end up with an ugly painting, a pretty one or a decent one. The holy trinity. This is a positive take, it gives us purpose - to fill up the said canvas with any colour possible, paint the same object from multiple perspective, choose any subject even. Entirely your choice. Lets call this approach A.

Now there is a twist for this approach, the idea that you are free to live your life the way you want is fictitious. Unless you are very courageous, you are never fully free in life. The concept of freedom is indirectly proportional to the idea of having a meaning for life. The more free you are, the less you worry about the meaning. We are moulded from the very beginning to fit into the way society deems us to be, spent x years for education, spent y years training for a job and then spent infinity at work. You get to retire when your mind is devoid of happiness/aliveness and your muscles are atrophied, yaay! If you manage to break from societal/physical norms then comes the mental chains. One can never be fully free, we are tormented either by body or mind and in most cases both (by design).

Truly free people might not search for a meaning I guess, or they understands there is no point of trying and finding out because all of life is an illusion we build ourselves based on our surroundings and the beliefs we choose to believe in.

Then comes path B which takes a turn south (path A is marvellous, I know) which is life is utterly meaningless (again), you will die any day or someday so why bother to have or find a meaning? What is the whole point of this search for purpose if there is no use for it. But even if you don’t want to have a meaning, how can you live each day with nothing to look forward to? There will be one of those bleak days where your brain absolutely forgets serotonin and you have no will whatsoever to produce it. How to navigate and which path would you choose?

If you are randomly handed a pamphlet and there is no need to even scan through the contents because you know it wont be useful to you, why on earth do you need to read it? But if the pamphlet helps you win something, something as small as candy….chances of you reading it is high….I suppose, depends on whether you like candy, but lets just assume you do. You might also read it if you are curious.

Humans need gains, anything or at least the idea that they are gaining something will suffice. It is how we are tempted to live life each day, tempted by the idea of a gain someday, a thought that life gets meaningful eventually or that we will stumble upon it like magic beans on a fine February morning?

Fully bound by the chains of time and age old timeline, we run in this maze called life, constantly overfed by consumerism….it is funny (and extremely scary) to think that humans kill each other, destroy each others lives with all sorts of media milking the last drop of attention one has, drowning in the depths of debt taken for basic needs, blinded by the false idea of status and power and material wealth all while killing the planet in the name of evolution, all while thoughts and actions moving back by ages. Freedom of speech to freedom of existence diminishing altogether.

In this modern age, where and how do one find meaning (if any) for a life which we obviously take for granted.

And if there isn’t one, isn’t it a futile idea to live life with nothing to look on to.

A paradox, which we live through and through. This might be one of the punishments in hell, we all might be already dead and is serving period for the bad deeds we did but then how do we justify the good things in life? (I swear I am not high, although I have been inhaling lot of sugar in the name of the holiday season) this is just a random thought. This takes me back to an excerpt from my 10th grade literature text, which pops up my head very often out of nowhere. It roughly translates to “Even if we do not wish to, we unknowingly sins and there is no escape from this sinning ”(I dropped picking up translator as an alternative career option with this one line). Now what kind of a loop is this?

Anyway, I have been in my “whatever man, we are all going to die anyway” era since I attained enlightenment few years ago, besides the occasional sadness and self doubt and anger I am all good. So if you feel a little too worried about things, keep in mind that you are just stupid to think too much, there is literally no point in doing so. (This should’ve been my diary entry).

Here is a picture of some pretty lights if you find this post pretty dark/boring.